I’ve touched on this before but only in passing fashion. I thought it was time I give it the respect of a full post, as it plays a pretty large part in my life, from a big picture standpoint anyhow. So I figured I’d explore it a bit more deeply.
From the time I was within age of reason, I’ve always felt as though I was meant to do great things. Listen, I know how that sounds. But I assure you, it’s never been from a place of ego or cockiness. It’s not something I talk about openly, in fact I don’t think I’ve ever brought it up to anyone, outside of my writing. I mean honestly, what would that conversation even look like?
It’s just this subtle but permanent inner certainty, that great things are on their way. Buried deep within me is an assurance I’m not meant to live a normal life, work a normal job or do any of the things typical people do. I’ve never felt typical and average has always scared the fuck out of me.
In many ways, it’s both a burden and a blessing. At times, I wish I could just be content working a 9 to 5 mid level management job, coming home to my wife and kids in our row home in middle class America. Where we have supper at 6 PM precisely and sex in the missionary position twice a month, at best.
Then at other times, I see Mr. and Mrs. Missionary and their three little ones at Wal-Mart and the look on Mr. Missionary’s face makes me so glad I’m not that dude. While in some ways it’d be easier, his face tells me in others it’d be much harder. Because I’m sure Mr. Missionary wasn’t always Mr. Missionary. I’ll bet he had a dream once. Then he sold it for stability and security.
It’d be easier in the sense, it’s more easily attained and sustainable. It does provide the stability and security so many people crave. That said stability attracts women, women make good wives and wives tend to make children. All of a sudden you’ve got yourself a whole adult life — one your parents can tell their neighbors and coworkers about proudly. It all sounds so simple.
Except for the part where I’m not wired that way and my soul dies at the thought of it. It is my opinion that living an average life, isn’t living at all. I’ve never craved normal. I can not stress enough how much my time means to me. Having to be the same place 8 hours a day, five days a week, for the next 40 years of my life — especially for less than desirable pay — sounds like cruel and unusual punishment, not a life. That is why it’s simply not a long term option for me.
Which is why this inner feeling of mine is a blessing. It acts as an internal compass, guiding me away from mediocrity. Let it be understood — I’m not looking down on anyone with a normal job, living a normal life. At the moment, I live one right along with you, for the most part. But I have an escape plan and a feeling so much more is in store for me.
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