You know why I don’t often write about trending topics? Because I rarely give a fuck about them. When I do, it comes from a place of passion or authenticity. If I write about it, It’s safe to say I care about it, or it at least struck enough of a cord in me for me to vomit out five hundred plus words about it.
I’ll probably never be what you are and I’m overly accepting of that. I’ll probably never be who or what my parents want me to be — and they’ll learn to accept that. Or they can call me less often, the choice is theirs really. I do the absolute best I can at anything I do. I’m polite to others because I was raised right, please don’t misinterpret that as a need for you to like me or as a pass to walk all over me. I don’t bark often but I assure you I’ll ravage the leg that goes to kick me.
I have plenty of insecurities, luckily for me none of them lie in who I truly am inside. I’m comfortable and happy with the person I am and what I do. In fact, I’m ecstatic about it because it means I have the freedom to be what so many others are afraid to — myself. I’ll never have to go out of my way to impress someone else — because I genuinely don’t care what other people think. To me, that’s true freedom. And it’s even better than the delusional brand my Government wants me to believe in.
I struggle with so very many things but thankfully, being who I truly am is not one of them today. For so long, I tried to please other people. Doing what I could for people who were only out to serve themselves. Doing what others thought was best for me, out of fear and aimlessness. Out of a lack of purpose or being afraid to define one for myself. It only left me exhausted, unhappy and resentful.
Over the weekend, I heard a great quote from rapper and entrepreneur Jay-Z. In discussing his newest album “4:44” and critiques of it he said
“The worst thing to be is successful as someone else. I feel sorry for anyone who has to leave their house everyday as someone they’re not, in order to create this thing they’re creating. It has to be exhausting because at some point you have to go back home and when you do, it’s just you and the mirror.”
I don’t wake up wanting to be anyone other than who I am and I sleep great at night because I lay my head down on the pillow feeling the same way. The same goes for writing, I write as me. About my life experiences and things I’ve observed along the way. Because it brings value to others in a way even I don’t quite understand. It gives me a quiet place to come, away from all of the white noise in life and all of the things I don’t care about. If I help someone else along the way, even better.
Do I wish things were better? Of course. But I also actually work on trying to improve what I’m unhappy with. Wishing without action is futile. Like my Grand pop used to say “Wish in one hand and shit in the other and let me know which one fills up first.”
So take me as I am or leave me where you found me, because I’ll always be okay — because I’m okay with me. Every flaw, mistake and imperfection. They come together with my strengths and assets to equal the sum of who I truly am, which is someone I’ll never have to pretend not to be for the sake of someone else. For that, I could not be more grateful.
Thanks for reading