The other day I was scrolling through Facebook and came across the post of a girl I grew up with. I say girl because judging by her post, she never really did a whole lot of growing up. Being completely honest, she was toxic then and apparently not much has changed.
The post went on to describe her unbearable tooth pain. Right before blaming her oral surgeon for her pain, claiming the dentist “must have done something wrong”. She went on to note how the dentist would only give her Ibuprofen for it because “of all the stupid fucking junkies that take shit to get high”.
Nobody commented on or liked the post, probably because people stopped paying her mind years ago for obvious reasons. I continued scrolling and didn’t give any of it another thought.
A few hours later I received a Facebook inbox message from her. The ding my Facebook messenger app makes to notify me of a new message typically induces anxiety within me. Mainly because they usually involve someone who I have no desire to talk to, who has no other means of reaching me and for good reason, who usually wants something from me. This was no different.
She got right to the point. She asked if I could get her any pain medication before halfheartedly apologizing, knowing I’m in recovery. When I simply stated I couldn’t, she found a calculated way to bring up an old mutual friend of ours. A friend I would have called best at one time, who betrayed me in a way years ago I’ll never be able to fully forget.
When I told her I no longer speak to him and haven’t in years she went on to say she hasn’t either since “he used me last year”. Being this is a married man we’re talking about, it was a bait statement. She wanted me to ask what she meant by that or to inquire as to how. I didn’t, mainly because I don’t give a shit but also because I know her game. When I declined to do so or to even respond at all, she of course went on to tell me all about it anyway. About what a dirt bag our old friend is, how he told her he would leave his wife for her — before doing the same thing to multiple other women. Shocking, right?
Both the status update she posted as well as the messages she sent me contained a lot of blame. She found a way to blame her every problem on someone who probably had very little to do with the issue at large. It was the dentist’s fault her mouth hurt, addicts were the reason she couldn’t get narcotic pain medication and our former friend was responsible for the extramarital affair she helped him carry on.
What I failed to see in any of it, was a single ounce of accountability. Nothing was her fault, as if she played no part in any of it. And it’s not just a single status update I’m referring to, she and so many others blame the state of their lives on anyone and everyone else but themselves. As if life is just this binary thing that happens to them in which they have no control over. People like that not only never succeed or find happiness, they want others to be as unhappy as they are.
It’s the economy’s fault they can’t find a job. The opposite sex at large is to blame for the fact they end up in bad relationship after bad relationship.
My personal favorite are the people who blame “the system for holding them back”. Stop it. We’re all adults. Blaming the system was cute at seventeen but at age thirty, people aren’t buying it anymore. ‘The system’ is not responsible for your unhappiness, perhaps your system of constantly blaming the world instead of taking accountability for your life is the problem.
Blaming others is a waste of time and energy. Accountability is everything. It allows us to move towards solutions instead of living in problems. Complaining never did anyone any good. Except maybe help them realize how ridiculous they sounded once they finally came to their senses and became accountable.
If you don’t like something in your life, change it. It really is that simple. If you aren’t willing to do that, you don’t have a right to complain. You and only you are responsible for the quality of life you live.