Member-only story
I’m Your New Anti-Life Coach
I’d like to qualify myself by informing you I’ve never had the words Life Coach in a single one of my social media bios or profiles. I’ve never condescendingly suggested I have life figured out enough to start coaching others on or in it.
In fact, if life was a sport, I’d be more like your go-to pinch hitter than a coach or General Manager. Sure, I get lucky here and there and knock one out of the park when it counts — but with it comes a bunch of strikeouts and run of the mill base hits. Singles, I have to sweat out every step of, thankfully ties go to the runner.
I’m a situational player, not an every-down back. And to those who don’t understand sports references, my apologies. Blame the life coaches, they started it.
Why I’m Not a Life Coach
If I was a life coach, my team would have not only missed playoffs last year, a good portion of its players would have been suspended for a wide variety of different reasons spanning from PEDs to extremely disappointing and incriminating elevator incidents.
I’ll just be honest here, any organization considering hiring me as a life coach should give the movie Blue Chips a solid screening or two first.
Because when a push comes to shove, I will go full Pete Bell, quicker than you can say the name, Nick Nolte.
