Whether it’s love, money or success, we all pine for something and strive towards it throughout our lives. Most of us are probably in the middle of doing so as we speak, whether within the depths of our minds and thoughts or outwardly and openly. I’m here to explain why both are not always, but often counter-productive.
I, want nothing more than to make a living solely off my writing. I wake up at 5 AM if not earlier daily and write. Coffee and the written word propel me out of bed. I turn on the coffee and laptop and get to churning while the other one is brewing.
This is all good and well and probably what it takes to reach the level of success in which I hope to. However, the incessant need for it — to feel like it’s the only way I’ll ever be happy is to only work against myself.
Desperation is the energy we unknowingly omit when we overly desire something. It is what happens when we plead or beg, whether with or from the universe itself or the people in it. Desperation leads to dead ends, whether in our love lives, finances or careers.
It’s like subconsciously saying to the universe “I don’t think I deserve this, am worthy of it or can realistically obtain it”. In turn, the universe responds by saying “Okay”.
Because like your short texting friend, that’s the only way it knows how to. It is not this force that is responsible for you coming up empty-handed, but instead the energy you’re putting into it.
If this sounds like you, it is time to completely overhaul your entire approach. We must do better but we can’t until we know better. Think about it for a moment. If you’re a female, I want you to reflect for a moment how you would or have responded to the desperate-sounding or looking guy who asked you out. You probably let him off the hook easy, lied and told him you had a boyfriend or gave him the wrong phone number. Of course you did — because nobody wants to date desperate. Nobody introduces desperate to their Dad.
They’re too afraid Dad won’t approve and desperate won’t be able to provide for them in the future. Desperate doesn’t make for a good Dad. Desperate bets the kid’s college savings away by laying it on red one drunken night.
If you’re a male and you’ve ever looked, sounded or felt desperate when approaching a woman — I’ll bet she had a boyfriend, didn’t she? That little rascal went and gave you the wrong phone number, right?
Well, guess what my dude, she isn’t playing hard to get. Your nervous energy made her nervous. She couldn’t help but wonder what you had to be so goddamn nervous about yet she was not interested in finding out the hard way either.
This doesn’t make you a weirdo, creep or unfixable. You are not undateable nor unloveable. Your entire aura just needs some fine-tuning. You just have to pivot your pitch and perspective. Whatever it is you seek, tell yourself it’s on its way. Act as if. As if you already have it and it needs you more than you it. See if this doesn’t improve your circumstances and chances, if only slightly.
Even if it doesn’t at first, that’s okay. Because frankly, feeling desperate is not fun. It’s a position nobody ever wants to be caught in. If you can consistently maintain this newly obtained attitude of confidence and feeling like whatever it is you want is already yours — it will show. Others will feel it. Stars align for those who throw out the right signals. Fortune has always favored the bold and disregarded the desperate.
Sadly, we ignore the desperate every day. They’re in our inboxes and text messages. They’re in front of our convenience stores holding signs saying they’re hungry, Meanwhile, we do our best to try and not to make eye contact with them, as we wonder where they got the marker to make the sign with. They almost provide us with ample reason not to grant their request, for whatever it is they’re seeking. We despise the smell of desperation.
We’re afraid it’ll rub off on us and that it’ll be a stench too hard to shake. We don’t want to be associated with it and frankly, we’re not wrong for feeling this way.
Whatever it is you’re striving for, looking to obtain or accomplish, try letting go of it, just a tad. Tell yourself, whether acquired or not, you’ll be just fine. Because you will be. And you just may be pleasantly surprised by what shows up when you detox yourself from desperation.