There aren’t many streets or local landmarks in the neighborhood I grew up and still reside in that I don’t have a vivid memory or story deeply attached to. I say deeply because I can still hear the laughter when I bypass certain spots, residual pain is still deeply entrenched in others.
My 30 years of life experience is my most valuable asset. The stories I’ve lived through, the memories made here and the people who were right there with me are what made me who and what I am today, which is finally someone I can genuinely say I’m proud to be.
I’m not proud of every story or my actions there within. However I’ve learned to own all of my truths today, not just the convenient ones. Not just the stuff we can’t all wait to share on social media.
I’ve always felt as though i’ve lived quite a unique and peculiar life. They say truth is stranger than fiction and that has certainly been my experience thus far. Many things I considered just apart of everyday life at ages as young as thirteen and fourteen we’re far beyond typical or average. The way I came up could have and should have killed me. The fact I never went to prison in my teens is a blessing that I credit directly to God, it was certainly not my doing.
The emotional and spiritual destruction of myself and others, in which I was responsible for from age twelve to roughly twenty seven is nothing I take pride in. In fact, the weight of the guilt from it all is what finally broke me, it was too much to carry any longer. I’m grateful to have found a way to put it down and not look back. I hated who I was and what I had become. I was a liability to the people I was once an asset to, I wasn’t a friend to my friends and I let all of the people that I cared about down in every way imaginable. I was angry at the world and didn’t even know myself well enough to know why.
I stole, cheated, lied, manipulated, took advantage of a lot of people I supposedly loved and even more I didn’t. How could I love anyone when I didn’t love myself anymore? I put my body through hell and back multiple times, I’ve done myself far more physical damage than I’ve ever done to anyone else. I hurt plenty of others but thankfully I’ve never been a physically violent person. More importantly, I found a way to gradually completely deconstruct who I was, forget everything I thought I knew and completely re-engineer my entire thinking, which has given me life again.
In retrospect, I’ve also had ridiculous amounts of good times as well, I’ve been blessed throughout the years in ways that even then I found truly divine. Today I know it was a power greater than myself at work. Call it God, the universe, or karma if you like. Whatever it was I know it’ll make for one hell of a story. I’ve got so many stories that will make for one hell of a story. Which brings me to the point of this post.
For the last five years or so I’ve wanted to write a memoir of my more intriguing and eye opening experiences. I want to share the best and the worst of all I’ve seen and lived through with as many as people as possible. I want others to learn from it, I want one kid to not make one of the terribly tragic decisions I did. I want to write a book and have it inspire one person who reads it to do the same. I’ve led a life I could write a book on, we all have. Except now it’s official, I’ve lived a life I’m currently writing a book on and I could not be more excited about it. I have sixty pages completed and a long journey in front of me I’m ready for.
I have given myself the deadline of the last day of this year to complete writing it and although it is far from set in stone, I am leaning towards going the self publishing route. I have reached out to bestselling author Tucker Max’s people at his company Publishing In A Box and I can not say enough about how helpful they’ve been thus far. I truly hope I am able to involve them in this process, working with Tucker Max has been a dream of mine since the moment I read his first book “ I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell”. To be honest, although I knew from a very young age I was a writer, it was that book that made me realize what it was exactly I wanted to write. My aim is still the same as it was five years ago after I read it, to tell true stories from my life, however my motives have completely changed.
Sure I want to entertain but I want to help as well. I want to honestly reflect rather than boast or glorify, to dig down deep rather than give you the surface story. I believe from the truest part of my soul this is what I was meant to do, my duty, my purpose and what I’m here for. And i’m finally doing it.