Thirty Realizations From A Thirty Year Old Who Often Forgets He’s Thirty
I’m too old to assault a high school student and their father’s are too old for me too assault for raising the kinds of kids that ride their bikes in packs down the Vine Street expressway.
I’m too old to hit on high school girls,even the seniors that got left back a year and all of their mothers are too old for Tinder.
Eighteen year old girls were born the same year Eminem released “Hi My Name Is”.
My Father probably should have hit me more as a kid,I definitely would have if I were him.
Sometimes I feel I have more in common with six year old kids making fart noises and laughing about it then I do people that refer to themselves as adults and actually believe it.
On second thought,scratch that. Six year olds don’t even know what the fuck a movie store is (perhaps I should say was) and yet are far more technologically advanced than all of us
I’ve never seen BraveHeart, Saving Private Ryan, or Star Wars from start to finish,i’ve just lied and said I have out of cinematic shame, on so many separate occasions that even I sometimes forget I haven’t.
I used to pay to do a fair amount of things you could not pay me to do today.
The older you get, the easier all of life’s hard realizations come to you.
They just don’t always become any easier to accept.
Madonna is fifty eight years old and i’m certain i’d still have sex with her if ever given the opportunity.
Even if she like just worked at Wal-Mart and never wrote “Like A Virgin” or “Papa Don’t Preach”.
I am still pretty far from fully figuring out who I am or what i’m doing here but i’m okay with that.
I’ve known almost all of the people I call close friend’s for more time then I didn’t know them.
I’ll strike a seventeen year old right in the mouth after delivering Emilio Estevez’s ‘two hits’ speech from “The Breakfast Club” verbatim.
I’m thirty years old yet some daysI don’t feel a day over fifteen.
Sometimes I wish I was fifteen again, even though I hated being fifteen when I was fifteen.
I feel better than I ever have and keep getting better every day.
Thank God i’m not fifteen years old again.
I think I wanted to be a rapper when I was fifteen and never told anybody.
If I wrote rap lyrics,they’d be better than what a large majority of today’s rappers write.
I’m too old to drop my first goddamn mixtape.
My 21st birthday was almost ten years ago, that is a painful realization to come to.
As clever as the title of this post may have been,probably only thirty percent of people made it this far through this post.
Thirty years ago, Caitlin Jenner was a gold medal winning Olympian with a penis.
Someone that was thirty years old came up with the phrase “thirty is the new twenty”,they were lying.
I don’t know that I always believed i’d live to be thirty but i’m beyond glad and grateful I have.
Thirty realizations are a lot of realizations to make.
I just realized this is number thirty and I have a pint of Ben and Jerry’s in my freezer.
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