I remember my idea of a good day was one I could sleep through without being bothered. That was as good of one I could have hoped for.
I spent half my life fearing the day in front of me and hating the one behind me. I was never present. I was either two steps ahead of you or three behind. I put myself at odds with everyone and everything around me. Its almost laughable to think about how I used to have the nerve to wonder why I was never able to shake the feeling of impending doom.
Maybe it’s because I knew that the doom that was impending was really just the wreckage I had created the day before.
With my actions,my inactions,my words,my anger,my inability to take responsibility for anything, and my self centeredness.
I was always under the illusion that I was the most important person in the room.
That is so much work and so overly exhausting. If I never feel like the most important person in any room ever again I’ll die content.
For a very long time I put more stock into how long I was friends with someone rather than what kind of friend they actually were.
I’m pretty sure I didn’t know what a friend was actually.
I couldn’t be one so I couldn’t have one.
I didn’t have bad days, days in general were just bad. Good ones were things from movies and TV Shows. They were what all the people around me seemed to be having but I couldn’t remember how to. Because I was too focused on who did what to me and what I oughta’ do about it. Thank God I was better at planning ways on getting even with people than I was at actually following through with it.
Today was a good day because I woke up and told myself it would be.
Some people cry over spilt milk and others are just grateful they have milk to spill. Perspective is everything.
Not everyday is good but there’s some good in everyday if you let it in.
Its not all sunshine and rainbows but its not all a natural disaster waiting to happen either.
I’ve had too many actually bad days to categorize damn near anything less than a personal tragedy as such. That’s just me though,at least today anyway.
Thanks for reading
Originally Written October 15th, 2015 at