Why I Stand Dead Center
The Idiocracies and irony of being me
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I’ve tried to make it clear where I stand politically, culturally, socially and spiritually — even if I’m not always a hundred percent clear on it.
I’m not a Republican, though I’m not a full liberal by any stretch either. I tend to lean democratically when I do vote, though sometimes both candidates are so bad — I just stay home, smoke weed and ponder over how bad they are.
(*cough : 2016 Primary: cough*).
I attended the Bernie rally that was held at Drexel University that year, but mainly because my best friend offered to smoke the quarter ounce of purple haze he had if I went with him. I won’t knock the event, hipsters were peacefully playing hacky-sack and smoking joints the same size as ours.
It was far out, even if it was to the left.
We didn’t stay for the speech I presume Bernie eventually gave, because I mean let’s be honest — politicians are a fucking snooze. Plus in our heart of hearts, as nice as free healthcare for everyone sounded, we knew he wouldn’t win. How could a bleeding heart, boogie down bro like Bernie ever beat a woman who looks like she was the empress of an evil entity in a past life?
While I found the “lock her up” chants comically uncalled for, I didn’t want her as my President either. Though, had I known her opponent had a realistic shot at winning — I would’ve forced myself down to the polls and went with the lesser of the two evils.
Even though she probably did delete those emails, and only sat down with Charlamagne on The Breakfast Club to convince us all she loved the hippity-hop and was as woke as Snoop Dogg’s smoke.
I did my part in voting for Bernie in the general election, and even worked the polls that day — but only because I was paid a hundred bucks to endorse some state rep running for congress. I spent the day hanging with a bunch of good looking twenty-somethings who spent more time worrying about how their hair looked than who they were voting for. I was given a free lunch, handed out some flyers, hit on some hipsters and got the hell out of dodge as soon as I could.
The candidate I was paid to endorse lost, his opponent was as corrupt as I believe…
